Funny Riddles

There is an ancient invention. Still used in some parts of the world today. That allows people to see through walls.

What is an acceptable act of violence during saint Patrick's day?

What is the largest living ant on earth?

Which is the oldest tree?

Where do cows go to dance?

Teddy bears are never hungry because they are always what?

How can a pants pocket be empty and still have something in it?

What follows a dog wherever it goes?

What is never eaten before lunch?

What does a cat have that no other animal has?

Where do sailors take their baths?

What insect does a blacksmith manufacture?

How do snails travel?

What do you call two witches who live together?

What is long and filled with seamen?

I give milk and have a horn but I'm not a cow. Who am I?

I shave several times a day, yet I still have a beard. Who am I?

What did one math book say to another?

What do mathematics teachers like to eat?

A pet shop owner had a parrot with a sign on its cage that said "Parrot repeats everything it hears." A young man bought the parrot and for two weeks he spoke to it and it didn't say a word. He returned the parrot but the shopkeeper said he never lied about the parrot. How can this be?

A man is trapped in a room. The room has only two possible exits: two doors. Through the first door there is a room constructed from magnifying glass. The blazing hot sun instantly fries anything or anyone that enters. Through the second door there is a fire-breathing dragon. How does the man escape?

There is a man in a 4 story building. He jumps out of the window and is unharmed. He used no padding, and had no harm done. How?

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one,
Michael J Fox has a small one,
Madonna doesn't have one,
The pope has one but he never uses it,
Bill Clinton has one and he uses it all the time!
What is it?

Which bow can't be tied?

What is red and smells like blue paint?

What has to be broken before you can use it?

What gets wetter and wetter the more it dries?

I saw a strange creature,
Long, hard, and straight,
Thrusting in a round, dark, opening,
Preparing to discharge its load of lives,
Puffing and squealing noises accompanied it,
Then a final screech as it slowed and stopped.

A red house is made out of red bricks.
A blue house is made out of blue bricks.
What is a green house made out of?

All day long it's in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both men and women go down on me. What am I?

What takes hours to pull off
Is most satisfying when it's done
And requires consent from the person you're doing it to?

When you do not know what I am, then I am something. But when you know what I am, then I am nothing. What am I?

What kind of street does a ghost like best?

Which tree is the most difficult to get along with?

What does an old tan broken down house wear outside?

What is it that no man wants, but no man wants to lose?

What's red and bad for your teeth?

What stinks when living and smells good when dead?

What has a foot but no leg?

What fastens two people yet touches only one?

Which popular cheese is made backwards?

What goes up and down without moving?

What kind of room has no doors or windows?

What kind of room doesn't have physical walls?

What type of house weighs the least?

What starts with a P, ends with an E and has a million letters in it?

With pointed fangs it sits in wait,
With piercing force it doles out fate,
Over bloodless victims proclaiming its might,
Eternally joining in a single bite
What is it?

I cannot hear or even see,
But sense light and sounds there may be,
Sometimes I end up on a hook,
I can be combined with a book.
What am I?

When young, I am sweet in the sun.
When middle-aged, I make you gay.
When old, I am valued more than ever.

What has a head yet it never weeps, has a bed but never sleeps, can run but can not walks, and has a bank but not a cent to its name?

What lies in bed, and stands in bed? First white then red. The plumper it gets the better the old women like it?

What do you get if you put a radio in the fridge?

What can you catch but not throw?

What is a Mummy's favorite type of music?

There is a kind of fish that can never swim.
What is that?

What's the red stuff between elephant's toes?

What is bought by the yard by is worn by the foot?

The shorter I am, the bigger I am.
What am I?

What ship has no captain but two mates?

What starts with an "e" but only has a single letter in it?

What building has the most stories?

I have eight to spare and am covered with hair.

Which side of a cat has the most fur?

What word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it?

What always goes to bed with its shoes on?

What kind of cup doesn't hold water?

What has 4 eyes but can't see?

What type of dress can never be worn?

What can travel around the world while staying in a corner?