Human beings are social creatures and it’s only natural to want people to like you.
It goes without saying that there are a lot of benefits that come with social acceptance. Regardless of your motivations, everyone can stand to gain something by climbing that social ladder.
Unfortunately, this is something that doesn’t come naturally to everyone. We have all witnessed it firsthand- the difference between someone who is charismatic and someone who isn’t.
Just because you weren’t born with this innate charisma doesn’t mean you can’t learn how to win people over.
Training yourself to be likeable is just as much as a science as it is an art. The key to success here is that you should listen to the tips empirical research has to offer.
Mimicry is the highest form of flattery
Researchers investigating social interactions found that people think favorably of those they think they are in sync with. This phenomenon, better known as the Chameleon Effect, argues that copying people you are interacting with can encourage them to like you more. While this doesn’t mean you should rush out and mirror everything somebody does, you can benefit from some subtle motor-movement mimicry. In other words, smile when they smile, repeat some hand gestures, and try to stay coordinated if you are performing a task with them.
The mere-exposure effect
Another easy way to get people to like you is by simply being there. Have you ever listened to a song you hated so many times that you actually started to like it? This event is called the mere-exposure effect. When you are continuously exposed to something, you tend to like it more out of sheer familiarity. This doesn’t work just with songs; it actually works with people! Try to be seen often without being overbearing. This means you should actively participate in classes or meetings to be seen/ heard. It’s also a great idea to try to accept any invitations you can. This isn’t just good for enhancing your appearance to people you already know -it also gives you a platform to expand your social network.
Be a pleasant person
You may have heard the old phrase; “You attract more flies with honey than you do with vinegar.” What this means is that you will attract more people by being sweet than anything else. Aside from the research that supports this, you can just refer to your daily interactions. If you had the choice to hang out with someone who was nice over someone who constantly put you down, there isn’t much competition. This is not just avoiding toxic behavior, but there are underlying psychological mechanisms that encourage behavioral reciprocation. You tend to like people who you think like you back (and vice versa). If somebody has reason to believe you don’t like them, they may get defensive and dislike you back. Everyone likes to think of themselves as a likeable person, so it makes sense that someone would create a scenario in their heads to explain why they aren’t liked. Try to stay aware of the impression you’re giving off to other people. Be positive about situations, avoid unnecessary complaining, and try to be nice, especially to people you don’t know. Gossiping can bring people closer together -but it can also make you become a target of gossip and rumors as well. People will feel much better about associating with you when they see you compliment others rather than bringing other people down.
Offer a reassuring touch
Although it can be a bit off-putting if you are always grabbing or hugging people, a little bit of moderate touch can go a long way. This is an effective strategy to get people to like you, but it involves careful attention and tactics. There is a fine line between friendly and creepy. You need to establish the comfort zone of your audience and be sure not to cross any boundaries. A good rule of thumb is to try to teach your touching to a “neutral zone,” such as the arm or the shoulder. Additionally, you should make sure that you apply only a gentle amount of force for a limited time. Good examples of this are touching team members lightly on the shoulder to create a momentary connection during conversation. Try to make these actions as organic as possible and respect when someone establishes their dislike of it.
Getting people to like you is an important skill to have in modern society. Despite your innate disposition, anyone is capable of improving their social skills with a little help from science.
Written by Brittni Devlin.